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EMPOWER YOUR TEEN

Research has shown that the human brain isn't finish developing until we reach our 20's or even our 30's. The frontal lobe - that is, the part of the brain that manages impulse control, insight, judgement, and emotional control - is still working to make the connections which help us understand the consequences our actions have on ourselves and others.

Though they are not children anymore, teenagers are not fully capable of protecting themselves from harm. In some cases, they even need protection from their own impulses. Teens are not capable of consenting to a sexual relationship with an adult, which is why we have statutory rape laws. It is not fair to assume that a teen will report abuse or seek help, simply because they are older. The fact that they recognize that they are being abused may make it even more difficult for a teen to disclose. 

 

THE INTERNET: PROTECTING YOUTH FROM ONLINE ABUSERS

  • Keep computers in common areas - NOT in bedrooms.
  • Explain to your children the dangers of sharing personal information, such as their full name, email, address, phone, etc.
  • Set appropriate filters for explicit images and language for your computer.
  • Limit computer and phone time. Children should not be connected at all hours of the night.
  • Track which sites your children are visiting.
  • Be cautious about what you share over the Internet, including videos and photos. Images that may seem innocent, can turn into something more (pages run by pedophiles will share images of children in bathing suits, shorts, in the tub, sitting on the toilet, etc.) What may be cute and innocent pictures of your child are 'teasers' for pedophile rings.
  • If you do allow your child to use social media, create a profile for yourself and follow their pages, so you can monitor the type of content they are posting. Make sure their privacy settings are set so that only their friends can view their page. Tell them not to accept friend requests or respond to messages from people they do not know. Try creating a fake profile and send them a friend request to see if they will accept you.
  • Remind them that "checking in" at locations on social media tells people exactly where they are at that moment.
  • Remove your child's last name from their social media accounts so that aren't easily identified by a potential predator.
  • If your child plays games on the Internet, talk about the chat options and how strangers may try to contact them.
  • Warn your teens about people asking them to share a sexy photo of themselves. An alarming number of youth today are not frightened by a stranger's requests for photos, and respond favorably when praised for provocative images.

 

UNDERAGE EXPOSURE TO PORNOGRAPHY

A study investigating early exposure to online pornography suggests that nearly all boys and two thirds of girls will have been introduced to sexually explicit material over the Internet by the age of 17. Most of this exposure occurs after age 13, though younger children are still vulnerable to both accidental and deliberate discovery of pornography. Boys are more likely to report that they sought out pornographic images, while girls were more likely to report involuntary exposure.

Talking to Teens About Explicit Material

Create an open and honest dialogue with your teens about pornography. Discuss the content of the images using medically accurate terms for body parts and sex acts. Acknowledge that curiosity is normal, but emphasize that these images are fictional: they have nothing to do with real life love, sex, and intimacy. Consider exploring these topics as well:

Consent: Did the people in the picture look like they both agreed to the sex act? Did one participant appear to be coerced or threatened by the other? Make sure your teens understand that in real life all sex requires consent. 

Emotions: What feelings did the people in the images seem to be experiencing? Make it clear that the emotions associated with sex should be love, warmth, respect, and affection.

Intimacy: No matter what was going on in the image, the very fact that it was being recorded and shared shows that there was not intimacy. Educate your children that healthy sexuality is an expression of deeply private and intimate feelings between partners

Arousal: Involuntary physical arousal from viewing sexual images may leave a youngster both exhilarated and ashamed. Sexual arousal is instinctual and autonomic, and people of any age may find their body responding with arousal to an image they intellectually find repulsive. A discussion about the feelings associated with the arousal brought about by pornographic images will break the secrecy and, with it, the power those images have on the child's perception of sex.

 

1 IN 5 KIDS WILL RECEIVE A SEXUAL SOLICITATION

 

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SMART PHONES: THE DANGERS OF SEXTING

For most teenagers, a cell or smart phone is an essential part of their social existence, and as a parent, it can be incredibly difficult to monitor a teen's cell usage at all times. This challenge presents a distinct and very real danger that simply cannot be ignored: When we do not know who is communicating with our children, they become vulnerable to influences beyond our control. Who is contacting your teen, and for what purpose?

Talking to Teens About Sexting

  • Talk to your children about the legal ramifications of receiving, creating and distributing nude images.
  • Even if your teen pays for their own phone or service, it is still your job as the adult to make sure they are using it responsibly. Teens may participate in risky behavior because they lack the mental maturity to grasp the consequences of their actions. Set rules for responsible phone usage with your kids - and then enforce them.
  • Teens may be tempted to take racy photos for a boyfriend or girlfriend. Talk about how they would feel if that person shared those pictures with their friends, or what would happen to the photo(s) after a break up.
  • Some teens may send nude pictures in order to be accepted or feel pretty, even if it is to someone they do not know. Talk about the possibility of exploitation and the very real existence of sexual predators who use false profiles or pretend to be a peer.

 

SEXUAL RESPONSIBILITY

Children and teens need to understand that sexual arousal does not, under any circumstances, necessitate sexual satisfaction. No one is obligated to satisfy a partner simply because they are aroused, whether the arousal occurred intentionally or not. Sexual response to visual or audio stimulation is not something humans are capable of controlling. What we can control is what we choose to do with our bodies when aroused.

Sadly, there are children as young as 10-12 years of age that have sexually abused other children. If you have already educated your child about puberty and sexuality, help them understand the importance of acting responsibly and exercising self-control.

 

ASKING FOR AND GIVING CONSENT

It is estimated that many adolescents become sexually active for the first time around age 17. For some it can be much earlier, and still others may wait. Regardless of the values you teach your children with regard to sex and relationships, it is imperative that they understand the importance of consent. 

No always means no. It is non-negotiable. No one should feel guilty for saying "no". No one should try to coerce the uninterested party to do something they don't feel comfortable with. That is not love, and it is not respect. 

Consent means asking first, and hearing a partner give a verbal, affirmative "yes." This is especially important if one or both parties is under the influence of alcohol or another substance. Consent is not the absence of the word "no". It is not subjective. A person can not judge by opinion whether their partner has consented to a sexual act. Failing to ask a partner for verbal confirmation can lead to charges of rape, particularly in cases where a party felt that they were not capable of giving consent or were forced to do something sexual.

 

YOUNG ABUSERS

It is crucial that we educate our children about sexual abuse. They must be taught that it is a crime punishable by law. Do not assume your child understands the difference between right and wrong. Be certain that they know what constitutes appropriate and inappropriate behavior. 

Statistics show that up to 40% of abusers are children, themselves. Children must be taught to respect the rights of others and that forcing others to participate in sexual activities is a crime. We must not underestimate the capacity of our children to inflict harm, and we need to understand the potential consequences for failing to teach them respect, self-control, empathy, consent and responsible, sexual behavior. Teach your children that disrespectful behaviors such as bullying, racism, emotional or physical abuse will not be tolerated, and discuss with them the consequences of physically and emotionally abusing others.

 

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CHILD PORNOGRAPHY

United States Code defines child pornography as "any visual depiction of sexually explicit conduct involving a minor (anyone under the age of 18). These may include photos, videos, digital or computer-generated images indistinguishable from an actual minor; and images created, adapted, or modified, but appearing to depict an identifiable, actual minor. Undeveloped film, undeveloped videotape, and electronically-stored data that can be converted into a visual image of child porn are also deemed illegal visual depictions under federal law."

"Notably, the legal definition of sexually explicit conduct does not require that an image depict a child engaging in sexual activity. A picture of a naked child may constitute illegal child pornography if it is sufficiently sexually suggestive. Additionally, the age of consent for sexual activity in a given state is irrelevant, any depiction of a minor under 18 years of age engaging in sexually explicit conduct is illegal."

What does this mean for parents of teens? We need to make sure our children understand that they can be held responsible for creating and distributing nude images or videos of anyone under the age of 18, even if that person is a girlfriend or boyfriend. There are no exceptions - even if it is done with consent, as a practical joke, or in anger. They will be held responsible for their actions.

 

ABUSE IN THE WORKPLACE

For many teens, a part-time job is an opportunity to earn income and gain experience. Whatever their chosen workplace (babysitting, food service, retail, etc.), it is important to talk to your teen and the business manager about safe, appropriate workplace behavior. A teen may automatically assume that the people they are working with and for are respectable, and that the success of the business is their priority. Unfortunately, this is not always the case.

Before your teen begins a new job, have a very real discussion with them about sexual harassment and abuse in the workplace. Harassment can come from another employee or from management. Your teen needs to understand how to recognize and report harassment when and if they feel threatened. Find out what policies and procedures the management has established for reporting and handling sexual harassment or abuse. When business owners know that you take abuse seriously, they will follow suit and take precautions.

 

SEX TRAFFICKING

The average age of entry into prostitution for a child victim in the United States is 13-14 years old. Traffickers target at-risk youth and runaways in particular, for exploitation in the commercial sex industry as well as labor or service industries. Sex traffickers and pimps are skilled at manipulating child victims and maintaining control through lies, threats, deception, violence, and feigned affection. Children can be living at home and still be sexually exploited.

Traffickers often target youth with low self-esteem, absent parental figures, and/or a dysfunctional home situation. A predator may pursue a victim initially as a love interest, but soon force them into non-consensual sex acts through physical beatings or drug use. Talk to your children about the dangers of older teens/young men that quickly show interest them or their peers. Know the signs of victimization, and tell your teen to alert you if they see any of these signs in a friend or peer. Trafficking happens everywhere, in all states, cities - even the suburbs.

Related Statistics

  • Approximately 300,000 to 400,000 children in the United States — 1 in 100 children — are victims of prostitution, pornography and other forms of commercial sex.
  • One in three teens on the street will be lured toward prostitution within 48 hours of leaving home.
  • More than half of the girls (57%) involved in prostitution stated that they were sexually abused by someone outside of the family.