SAFETY

BE CAUTIOUS

First impressions can be very misleading. It is simply not possible to judge a person's character by their outward appearance. Someone who acts friendly or is respected in the community is still capable of causing harm. Factors like education and social status do not mean a person will not commit a sexual crime against a minor. It should not be assumed that a young person is too immature to abuse, or that all family members have a child's best interest at heart. False impressions and misplaced trust enable abusers to continue victimizing children. 

We can never be 100% certain that our children are safe. We must empower young people and educate them about the threat of sexual abuse. 

ASK AND VERIFY

When your child's safety is at stake, you cannot ask too many questions. Being interested and involved does not make you a "crazy parent." On the contrary, it makes you an informed parent. Never be afraid to inquire about the people in your child's life. Below are some basic things that caretakers should be prepared to answer:

+ Ask for references and contact them

+ Ask daycare providers and youth organization leader if they and their staff have been educated on the prevention of child sexual abuse. 

- What are the procedures and protocols?

- Are employees up to date on background checks?

- Do they perform background check on their volunteers?

- Ask school officials how they maintain compliance with Title IX regulations

+ If your child has a play date at someone else's house, ask the parents if they keep guns in the house, if they monitor TV/internet, and if older children will be in the house.

Childcare professionals in particular should and do expect to be asked these questions. It is your responsibility as a parent to inquire. Do not feel embarrassed by your need to stay informed.

IT'S OK TO SAY NO

If you ever encounter a situation that makes you feel concerned for a child, do not hesitate to express yourself. Often we are afraid of making someone feel guilty or uncomfortable. Approaching someone can be uncomfortable because you are essentially suggesting that this person could do something to harm a child. Understand that it is not personal. It's not about them - it's about the situation. It's about the rules that you have established in order to protect your child(ren) from harm. Watch for compromising situations, such as:

+ A music lesson that is held in a back room

+ A person that offers to babysit, transport, or spend time with your child alone.

+ A tutor that only works out of their own home without other people around.

+ A summer camp program that has no established rules or training for staff about preventing and reporting abuse.

Everyone has the right to speak on behalf of a child when their safety is of concern. 

TRUST YOURSELF

There is credit to be given for the undeniable feeling that something is "just not right" about a situation or a person. Do not ignore your instincts. Embrace them, and talk to your kids about listening to theirs. 

We should never dismiss what our instincts are telling us for fear that we could hurt someone else's feelings. Listen to them instead: What is your impression of the new babysitter? Should you send your child on a family vacation with their best friend? Is the new coach too "eccentric?" Is your teen's new boy or girlfriend making them feel uneasy?  These are all small signs that we should not ignore.

If there is a situation that you cannot completely avoid, it is best to confront the person and tell them directly what your concerns are. This takes a great deal of courage, but you will accomplish one of two things

1. If there has been a misunderstanding, you may give them an opportunity to explain their behavior.

2. If there is nothing to be explained, you have at the very least put this person on guard, if their intentions are not honorable.

If you discover a situation that borders on or is out of line with the goals of minimizing unsupervised contact between a child and an adult, aim for a civil but authoritative disposition. Explain that it is a matter of child safety. You want others - and your children - to know you mean business.

REPORT ABUSE

One of the most difficult things many people will face in life is having to report that someone they love, trust, or respect may be abusing a child. Denial is often the first reaction many reporters experience, especially if the abuser is the last person they would suspect, such as a parent, family member.

Just remember: the fear, doubt, and uneasiness you feel cannot be compared to the fear, shame, depression, and confusion that the victim feels.